May 2001 Archive
5.30.2001
8:35:41 PM
Congrats to Judy on the anniversary of her day of birth. Let’s go get drunk and join an orgy the army.
::Coz::
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2:36:39 AM
Remind me not to make another complicated site. This is fuckin’ exhausting!
So many things must be done so you, the user, can get around quickly in a very professional manner.
True, these are things most websites have… but I never did. So I’m doing it all from scratch — and I don’t have FrontPage, etc. to do this work for me. All by hand — cut & paste, cut & paste, cut & paste……………………
“why isn’t this working?”
“Oh. wow. right, ok.”
I was having this one problem and when I finally solved it I felt like I just won the heavy-weight title bout against Tyson. I raised my arms in the air and then pointed at the screen and said “HA! I BEAT YOU! HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!”
You better like this design, kiddo. I actually worked hard for this. Just a few more days till it’s ready.
Jeez. At work for almost 12 hours, come home and work on this thing for about 5 hours, then back to work at noon tomorrow. At least it’s noon….. but it’s just still more work! Ah! “I don’t wanna work…. I just want to bang on de drum all day.”
::Coz::
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5.29.2001
10:07:55 PM
Yesterday’s Post — Part II
…NEVERMIND.
Now, onto other things. I’m working on a new design. I’m extremely excited about it. I couldn’t wait to get home today to start working on it more. Of course, then I was asked to stay the rest of the day at work and gain overtime. Well, goddamn. I need the money. So now I’m finally going to continue working on the design after a long 12 hour day.
Cool things about the new design:
#1: I’ve incorperated that trick to change the colors of the scroll bar.
#2: No iFrames
#3: It uses regular frames and if all goes well it *should* be compatible with Netscape. (ugh!)
#4: It’s new and cool?
::Coz::
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5.28.2001
4:26:33 PM
Burn #1:
Sunday I was able to take Johanna to the Phillies game, which because of a rained out game the previous night, turned into a double-header. The tickets provided by Fuji for selling their products. This was her first Phillies game. First Major League baseball game at that.
It was hot out there and because I have such sensitive, white skin, I was burnt. It hurts a little, but I’ll survive.
Burn #2:
We leave the park and proceed to go home when another “discussion” breaks out. To make a long story short, she came back here and I told her the entire truth. Truth being that despite my love and caring for her, I did not feel that certain “vibe” which I dubbed “sexual attraction.”
This was why I didn’t want to try to work beyond our differences. We’re just so completely different and simply do not understand eachother. And if that wasn’t enough, I still wasn’t feeling what I believe I *should* be feeling.
She’s a beautiful person, and she has so much to offer me. I couldn’t ask for much more. She encompasses most of what I’m looking for in a partner.
So, why?
And that is where the burn comes in.
She decided to stick out the night here and we slept together. I woke up, and she was gone. Forever.
She took every one of the photos that she was shown in. My photos. But, being the model she has the right to take them and tell me not to use them, which she did.
She plans on never seeing me again nor speaking or anything. A complete cease of communication. It’s fucked up to fall asleep next to someone and then waking up to never seeing them again.
So the burn is the fact that I do care about her and never wanted her to leave my life. The burn comes in because it pained me so much to see her pain. I could relate. I could relate all too well, and only have to go back a few months in my life to reclaim those feelings.
So, why?
Why is it that the first time we broke up last month, I was fine! Clear as a whistle. Now, I’m feeling like shit. This isn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.
It hurts… but I’ll survive.
::Coz::
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5.25.2001
12:29:27 AM
Sign the gnocchi-book!
::Coz::
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5.23.2001
2:35:14 AM
This is great. —Â Zombo.com
(make sure your volume is up…)
::Coz::
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5.22.2001
2:00:41 AM
Allow me to rephrase yesterday’s blog:
There’s this person whom I admire greatly who appeared to put me on ignore when I tried to talk to them. This is discouraging to me. The end. 🙂
::Coz::
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5.21.2001
1:05:16 AM
I love the new TOOL album. The ever-evolving group has done it again. The difference had me stunned for a day or two, but now it’s sinking in and I can appreciate it even more. I must learn the lyrics and messages behind the songs, to fully take in the new album.
Everyone said, when A Perfect Circle came out, that it was TOOL part: 2. Of course, I disagreed. This album, however I believe had been influenced by APC’s music. Maynard, at least, had not disconnected himself from APC for this record as much as he did for APC from TOOL. My opinion.
I think I made a mistake by trying to I.M. with Rach from FYMC (Complex Bullshit) —- I think she put me on ignore after an initial “hi” to each other. Sorry. I probably should have left it where it was. Disconnected communication, yet still connected through indirect words. Sometimes it’s better to leave fantasy where it is. (Not that I was trying to get intimate with her, but rather just a more direct “relationship” with the girl.)
It’s sad when you run into people from the past and they ask what you’re up to now….. and you really haven’t a thing to say.
::Coz::
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5.19.2001
1:36:30 AM
I am giddy. Giddy knowing that Rach is back. Complex Bullshit, now known as FREE YOUR MIND CONTROL.
For those of you who know and understand and more importantly “feel” such things as “Fight Club”, “Matrix”, “American Beauty”, and “TOOL” — this girl’s for you.
Hmm, must update “links” section…
…done.
::Coz::
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5.17.2001
12:43:15 AM
“Picture pages, picture pages…. now it’s time for Picture pages…”
Ze blach en whaits, monsierrrr………
[Light Rays (Stairway to Heaven)]
[Crucifix (slightly cropped and yes she is indeed wearing a shirt)]
Of course, these were the best of the roll. I screwed up and shot Tri-X 400 and left my camera on 200. A lot were quite dark, especially the ones of birds when I put it on 1/1000 of a second. Gar…….. That’s what photography’s all about. Trial and error. But anyway, for those who didn’t catch it, this is my first roll of B&W. The updates below you’ll find my first rolls of color. Hey, keep in mind, too that I know nothing about photography other than what I learn at work. (Ritz Camera) — before I worked there, I had barely even touched a camera. So THERE! …damn I’m good.
I hope to use some of these pictures and create a new site design. I suppose it’s about that time again.
Until next time..! Oh, and no one wrote me about that band. C’mon, now.
::Coz::
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5.16.2001
12:52:51 AM
A reader sent in this tidbit of news to Stile Project. I thought I’d share it as well, seeing as it’s quite a tale.
“This past weekend, I drove up to Dallas to visit my parents, being Mother’s Day weekend and all. My Dad, always collecting various and interesting stories clipped from the newspaper, had one that I thought you would find particularly interesting. You see, sometime last week, an elderly man was found dead in his house. In his recliner, holding a newspaper, in fact. Yeah, I know, you’re saying ‘so what – old people die in their homes all the time. He should just be grateful that it wasn’t a case of spontaneous human combustion.’
Normally, I would agree, but here’s where the story gets sad. The newspaper was dated 1997. The man has been dead for 4 years. One of his neighbors was quoted in the article. I don’t have the article with me, but he said something to the effect of ‘I saw him 1997 when he was checking his mail and I waved to him. I never saw him after that.’ “
Stile says:Â “Yeah, I actually heard about that one. All his flesh rotted away and there was just this skeleton holding a fucking newspaper in a Lazy-Boy chair. Kind of cool in a spooky way.”
Welp… For this one minute I must say that I’m glad I don’t live alone.
But I still gotta get to bed.
::Coz::
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12:07:31 AM
Remember that band that I was going to sing with? Y’know…… “SKUZ” ??
Anyway, I was talking to the guy last night and asked if he was still interested, because I just need to get my imagination and creativity running again. He informed me that they have a number of songs on mp3.com, now. So, here’s your chance at helping me decide my future.
Check them out —– and let me know if you could hear me singing to some of them. Please, I insist you let me know. Any opinions whatsoever, and if you don’t like their music, it’s OK…. it’s THEIR music, not mine. Still, let me know.
I’ve had a migraine the past 2 nights. I don’t know why.
If there was anything exciting going on, I’d tell you. Really, I would. *ugh*
Tomorrow I should have my B&W’s back and I’ll post them as soon as I get a chance, though it may not be until Thursday night at EARLIEST. I’m anxious to see how they turned out. I know you are, too.
I think I’ll leave the MIDI up longer. I gotta go sleep off this pain. Remember if you gotta few minutes to check out their music. ‘kay? Thanks.
::Coz::
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5.13.2001
11:57:30 PM
Remember that old show with Bill Cosby on it called “Picture Pages” ? The theme went “Picture pages, picture pages, now it’s time for picture pages…” and he had this magic pen that made a cool sqeaking sound when he drew? Well, I have no sqeaking pen, nor do I have a cool theme song, but my name is Coz, not unlike his nickname, “The Cos” and I do have pictures for you.
Pages of pictures.
They were taken yesterday when Johanna and I went to Linvilla Orchards and the Italian Water Gardens in Swarthmore. You may recognise the water gardens because that’s where some pix of me were taken by Callie for the “promo shots”.
When at Linvilla, we saw many great animals and scenics.
Mr. Horse was a kind ol’ horse to us and the other children who fed him. Mr. Llama was starving for attention and the food we handed out as well. There was an emu and a few deer to gaze at. Here you’ll see a deer who wasn’t too pleased to have his picture taken and begged me not to print this one, but I did anyway. Can you pick out which one it was?
This little guy was as cuuuute as can be. So we fed him an entire day’s worth of corn.
Johanna liked that little guy. She also mentioned that she wanted to take Mr. Horse home with us. That wasn’t happening…
Then we went to Swarthmore so I can get some REAL shots. Shots like this, and this, and this. To get to the water gardens, we had to pass under Route 476 a.k.a. The Blue Route. I didn’t like all the walking I had to do there. Johanna didn’t seem to mind…
And that, boys and girls, concludes the first real rolls of Coz Baldwin’s photography career. Check back in a couple days to see the black & white photos taken at both places. It’s my first roll of B&W… EVER! Don’t miss it!
::Coz::
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5.8.2001
11:33:14 PM
I should mention that if in the future you write to me and I don’t respond, please be patient… you now know why.
::Coz::
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11:01:21 PM
(Taken from the latest issue of The Coz List. Sign up here)
Imagine for a second, that for many months you’ve noticed emails never showing up. You know this because people told you they sent them. Now, think back to what you were doing in October of last year (2000)…. now imagine that’s when these emails started disappearing. Friend’s letters, discussion groups that ceased all discussion, etc.
Now imagine for one moment that you decided to go and set up a remote mail account at Yahoo so it fowards your letters to Yahoo as well (pretend you don’t have Yahoo if you do). So now imagine that your inbox all-of-a-sudden has over 400 emails that were forwarded from your regular mail. 400!
Over 400 emails containing letters from discussion groups that revealed tour dates, interviews, upcoming album news from your favorite artists; letters from people that you once wrote to telling them what a nice site they have and this is their response that you never got and therefore were very disgruntled with them when in fact they did thank you generously… MONTHS ago; letters from people asking me questions and just regular ol’ letters……………. ALL FROM OCTOBER UNTIL TODAY!
Why were they filtered out? Well, most were sent to multiple people and so my outlook express ruled them as spam. But there were still a great deal that were written directly to me. The thing is… I have no filters turned on and have no explanation as to why this has happened.
Point being I apologize to everyone I never responded to… Dan being the greatest filtered person of direct emails to me. I’m just blown away by all this. And very, very pissed.
::Coz::
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7:37:15 PM
…and the busboy returns.
She loves me like I was the provider of the air she breathes. She’s put away her dignity and begged for my return. Who am I to reject that? Would you call me weak for that? Or would you shake my hand for trying again? It’s in overtime, now. Sudden death. I can’t keep doing it, I told her. Putting on a different hat every day. I’m single, I’m commited, I’m single, I’m commited. So there’s no guarantees and if I have to put on another hat, it’s staying on. For the good of us both.
Everything else remains the same.
I think I will take the advice of a few people and make some fake websites to create a portfolio to show companies what I can do without a little piece of paper that states I can.
In the meantime, I still need a new job. I feel stuck, though. I’m not sure why.
::Coz::
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5.3.2001
1:18:57 AM
Stephen King once wrote
“Friends come in and out of your life like busboys at a restaurant.”
I could tell by the look in her eyes when she told me it was over, tonight, that she was serious.
So is it back to spending my nights sitting at this little cove of hell and typing away my thoughts? Offending and intriguing, depressing and enlightening, pissing off and turning on?
Is it back to the ol’ drawing board? Back to my nightly pints of Ben & Jerry’s?
“I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away.” ~ TOOL (new album out May 15th)
::Coz::
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