I’m not sure what I’m about to write,…
I’m not sure what I’m about to write, but I feel like I should.
I finally have began to get in touch with myself again. Letting down the mask and showing my face. Once again, I come off as the enemy. Not just to one, but to others. I am the enemy. ME!!
All I did is run out of sugar-coating. I’m still the same person, I still have the same thoughts. I just can’t deal with things that I shouldn’t have to deal with, so I don’t. If you want the truth, you come see me. If you want to hear only what makes you feel better about the world and it’s lies, then go jump into those sympatheitc arms of The Virgin Mary, the voices of those in your group-therapy sessions, your mother and father, your sex-hungry “friends”, and let them alter your thoughts. But I will tell you what you NEED to hear.
And now I’d like to recite a crucial scene from Fight Club to accentuate my feelings:
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Tyler grabs a can.
TYLER
This is lye — the crucial ingredient. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river. May I see your hand, please?
Tyler licks his lips until they’re gleaming wet. He takes Jack’s hands and KISSED the back of it.
JACK
What is this?
Tyler pours a bit of the flaked lye onto Jack’s hand.
TYLER
This is chemical burn.
Jack’s whole body JERKS. Tyler holds tight to Jack’s hand and arm. Tears well in Jack’s eyes; his face tightens.
TYLER
It will hurt more than you’ve ever been burned and you will have a scar.
Jack looks–the burn is swollen, glossy, in the shape of Tyler’s kiss. Jack’s face spasms.
JACK (V.O.)
If guided meditation worked for cancer, it could work for this.
SHOT OF A GREEN MAPLE LEAF, GLISTENING WITH DEW. RESUME:
Tyler looks as Jack’s glazed and detached eyes.
TYLER
Stay with the the pain, don’t shove to center.
JACK
No!
TYLER
The first soap was made from the ashes of heroes. Like the first monkeys shot into space. Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing.
JACK (V.O.)
I tried not to think of the words “searing” or “flesh”.
SHOT OF A FOREST, IN GENTLE SPRING RAINFALL. RESUME:
Jack, snapping back, tries to jerk his hand away. Tyler keeps holding of it and their arms KNOCK UTENSILS off the table. Tyler JERKS Jack’s hands, getting Jack’s attention.
TYLER
Stop it! This is your pain — this is your burning hand. It’s right here! Look at it.
JACK
I’m going to my cave. I’m going to my cave to find my power animal!
SHOT OF THE INSIDE OF JACK’S FROZEN ICE CAVE. RESUME:
Tyler JERKS Jack’s hand again. Jack re-focuses on Tyler…
TYLER
No, don’t deal with this the way those dead people do. Come on!
JACK
I get the point, ok, please!
TYLER
No, what you’re feeling is premature enlightenment.
SHOT OF INSIDE THE ICE CAVE – ON MARLA, LYING NAKED UNDER A FUR COAT, TURNING HER HEAD TO LOOK TOWARD US. RESUMING:
Jack tries to pull his hand free. Tyler won’t let go. Jack’s eyes glaze over again. Tyler SLAPS Jack’s face, regaining his attention.
TYLER
This is the greatest moment of your life, man, and you’re off somewhere–
Jack tries to speak, whiny from pain.
TYLER
Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. And if our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?
SHOT OF INSIDE THE ICE CAVE – NAKED MARLA PULLS JACK DOWN ON TOP OF HER – JACK IS ABOUT TO KISS HER BUT CIGARETTE SMOKE COMES FROM MARLA’S MOUTH – JACK COUGHS. RESUME:
Tyler SLAPS Jack’s face again.
TYLER
Listen to me. You have to consider the possibility that God doesn’t like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen…
JACK
It isn’t?
TYLER
We don’t need Him.
JACK
We don’t, we don’t, I agree.
TYLER
Fuck damnation, man. Fuck redemption. We are God’s unwanted children. So be it!
Jack looks at Tyler — they lock eyes. Jack does his best to stifle his spasms of pain, his body a quivering, coiled knot. He bolts toward the sink, but Tyler holds it.
TYLER
Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse, or — look at me — or you can use vinegar to neutralize the burn.
JACK
Please let me have some, please.
TYLER
But first you have to give up. First, you have to know, with no fear, know that someday you are going to die. Until you know that, you are useless.
Jack spasms with a shiver of pain…
JACK
You don’t know how this feels!
Tyler shows Jack a LYE-BURNED KISS SCAR on his own hand. Tears begin to drip from Jack’s eyes.
TYLER
It’s only after we lost everything that we are free to do anything.
JACK
Okay…
Tyler grabs a bottle of VINEGAR — pours it over Jack’s wound. Jack closes his eyes, holds his hand,…slumps to the floor.
TYLER
Congratulations. You’re one step closer to hitting bottom.
