Gishywan                              Author:  Coz Baldwin & Kevin Cogill  a.k.a. Skwerl

Yo, pizza dude!  Did you ever need to know why things weren’t in order around here?  Get it?  ORDER? 

Forget you then, man.  You’re nothing but an ordinary Gishywan.  No one thinks about anything around MY way.  We all just play marbles and make pancakes.  If you like, you can sleep outside in the snow and/or dirt, depending on how good I feel after my shower.  Then we’ll see how good you can swim.

If’n you ain’t the three-toed sloth of Pakistan, I might as well just eat the cake.  Just eat it!!  If I could see my hair, I wouldn’t NEED a telescope.  I’d use an apricot.

Bizarro Lois Lane… now that’s nostalgia for you.  A goofy addition to my sub consciousness, and YOU!  HA!  Look at YOU!  HA!  …and get off my apricot.

Go back home to your mama and papa.  Of course, they don’t need you.  They just sit in front of the TV and steal your plums.  They like you though.  I like you.  Nobody likes me.  I’m just a lonely ol’ squalor, lookin’ for food, squirming on the ground in the hot orange peels.  I look down, and my shoes are so far away from me, man.  I can’t believe in God after that.  Do you know what happened to Waldo?  I don’t.  I just sit here, talking to some Gishywan who never fell and never had the heart to ask Angie Butterworth to the prom.  I did and look at me now!  40 pounds underweight and I never gave her my masculine nose.

EEEAAAAARRRRGGHH!!  I just stepped on a key outside my era.  I bet you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, do you?  Nooooo…   And do you know why?  ‘Cuz your aunt said so.  And my aunt?  Well, she’s off with some kid, messing around with his daughter.  I hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing.  I hope you’re not thinking about why you gave Grandpa Ed all your money.  You know he just wastes it on ferris wheel rides.  It’s pretty funny when he falls off.  I like to fall.

And I didn’t jump.  I fell.  I fell and you landed on me.  Why didn’t you think I was thinking?  This is confusing the monkeys out of me.

You know, with the ever growing sales of mini-blinds, the possibilities are endless!  You can put them in your bathroom, if you like.  Or, you could put them over your TV, or over your life.  Don’t deny it.  We both know your life sucks.  Any Gishywan’s life really sucks.

Go drive off a street onto my mud.  Don’t be a dink, be a large hole and make like air.

There once was a twice with lice, who ate his own head with a fork.  I didn’t believe it until he showed me the fork.  ‘Twas the most Kafkaesque sight.

My little brother just got a new prosthetic forehead.  But, it has a lot of wrinkles in it so it doesn’t look right.

WHILE YOU WERE OUT……….

The Earth reversed its magnetic fields.  There’s a guy outside with a fork in his ear.  I guess he missed the “lobe.”  As I look outside, I fall.  But don’t worry, the ground saved me.  The other day, as my cat was sliding across the floor, its nose was being smashed inside-out, but it’s no big deal.

As the Eskimo rubs noses with the flightless artichoke, I contemplate reminiscing with myself in an adobe hut in the Andes.  Speaking of Mongolia…  King Louis VIII had an outie that was SIX INCHES LONG!

Confused?
I believe it was sometime in the spring of 1994 when Coz sat down, bored out of his skull and started fooling around on my word processor.  He started typing and didn’t stop for awhile, just taking whatever thoughts, no matter how demented and strange they may be, and put out a paragraph of random blurbs.  We read it and found it funny, in its own way.  So I tried it.  And from that point on, we stayed for awhile, alternating paragraphs, until we had about 5 single-spaced pages of… words.  At that point, we called it “Untitled” but since then, we changed the name to Gishywan, the nonsense word Coz created.  And since then, Gishywan has taken on a meaning of its own.

GISHYWAN:  adj./v.   The state of being, or to be described as…um… weird as hell.

(Postscript by:  Kevin Cogill)