Or: “What I Would Say to the Graduating Class of 2018”
I’ve ruminated before about how change is so feared because change is so painful. This holds true the more powerful the change is.
I wrote lyrics for a song called “Transposition” for Circuit Theory wherein I asked someone to lie to their significant other and be with me, knowing full well it would dramatically change all three of our lives if she did.
Indeed, the more people affected, the more pain it will cause them all.
But change is constant. Change is necessary. Be ready. You WILL NOT always be the driving force behind it. In fact, the chances of you being on “the right side” will be less than not.
You WILL, more often than you’d wish, be inclined to resist it.
Find the middle ground.
Find the balance of pain, for you
and for them.
Because changes are happening — and while they may or may not be in your favor, they will still come at a cost.
Tool, 46 and 2
“I wanna feel the change consume me
Feel the outside turning in
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I’ve endured within.”
You must not let this deter you. Embrace the change. Your deterrence of pain will only pass it on to the next generation. Embrace the change. Accept the compromise.
“I embrace my desire to…
Feel the rhythm, to feel connected,
enough to step aside and weep like a widow,
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral.”
As a wise man, high on Foreigner once said,
“We will never know world peace, until three people can simultaneously look each other straight in the eye.”
In other words… We’ll get close, we’ll try many an endless way, but we’ll never get IT.
My local Fox affiliate, WTXF FOX29 in Philadelphia, has the worst social media team ever. The other day, they posted this:
“We know it’s a Doggy Dog World…” Yes. They literally said that. But whatever. Stupid mistake, right?
But then this morning, my trusty TimeHop App reminded me of last summer, when the things that came out of FOX29’s Facebook Page drove a graphic designer like me up a friggin wall on almost a daily basis. And after talking with a co-worker, I decided I must put this all down in one place. Please indulge me by witnessing what happened throughout the summer.
Please note: This is a cellphone photo of a computer screen, WITH POINTER CURSOR STILL VISIBLE. The bottom caption asks us to “Click LIKE if you love Buddy [from Cake Boss]”. The top caption, below the fucked up pixelated border, says “Meet the Cake Boss on Sunday! Click the link above to see time & place”. The background of this caption box is filled with some strange, translucent white texture. It’s either an MS Paint spray paint effect or they are cloning a white area over and over again to fill the box. They use this technique a lot and I don’t know what it is or how it’s possible to be that awful.
Then there was the abduction story:
Worst use of Adobe Photoshop or best use of Microsoft Potato? I can’t decide. Click on it. Take a closer look. I dare you.
Here they want to know if we judge people with tattoos negatively. I’ll tell you what, if they had a tattoo that looked like this, I would. Who actually thought this could pass for a realistic-looking tattoo?! Who is doing all this? A summer intern is the most logical answer, I know, but have they no supervision? This is supposed to be a reputable news organization we’re talking about, here. Which reminds me…
I don’t know what’s worse; the poor Photoshopping job, the outright religious overtones, or the shameful use of a tragedy to increase your engagement rate. It’s too much. I can’t…
You see, fair laymen, engagement rate is a metric which Facebook marketers track. The number of times each post was clicked, liked, shared, or commented on counts towards a particular goal they’re hoping to reach. In fact, it’s “reach” that is the most important thing. Each one of those interactions increases the reach of that post. Meh. It’s a marketing thing. But that’s just it. It’s a MARKETING thing. This is a news organization. And yeah, you could argue that they have a product to sell. They want your eyes on their broadcast so they can sell advertising. And while that’s all true, this kind of activity does nothing but reduce your credibility as a news organization down to zilch. I cannot properly articulate why this is wrong to a degree that I would not lose any arguments in favor of this behavior, but dammit it’s wrong and I hope someone out there can help me properly convey why.
In the meantime, last summer, all they wanted was high engagement metrics, apparently…
If only hugging my mom was this easy.
Seriously, what they fuck are they using to fill in the white backgrounds for these caption boxes?
Feel free to peruse their posts from last summer. You will find more. To be fair, there hasn’t been much use of these MS Paint creations on their page for quite some time, now. So… that’s a good thing, I guess.
Thanks for indulging with me. Be sure to comment or share if you liked this blog post!
I think I realized this blog was really only existing for one person. I have no interest in sharing such intimate details with anyone else. I didn’t/don’t care that anyone else reads. So now, since I’ve shut her out of my view and assume the opposite has occurred, too, I have little use for this space.
Besides, only one person even bothered to ask for part 2 of my surgery blog. Just goes to show how many are truly interested. I’m not hurt by that, because it’s not surprising.
I will probably end up changing this layout… maybe to something more appropriate to my online life. Less focus on this rotting corpse of a blog and more on Twitter and/or other things.
I need the record to show that I have done quite well with my withdrawal of Lee Anne. It’s been a little scary, though. I’ve always said that the thing that keeps us going is knowing there’s something to live for, something better than here and now. So when I put every ounce of hope into a particular dream, knowing that will make everything better, allowing it to be the one and only thing I was living for… well… it’s a little scary to let such a thing go. Will I lose faith in life? Will I succumb to complete and total apathy and put an end to this now-pointless life?
Nope. I know there’s something (see: someONE) else out there. I believe in my heart we were meant to be together, when we met, but it didn’t happen. I also know there can and will never be anything as great and powerful as what we experienced. But there are so many facets to our relationships with people, there stands the possibility that I will have something equally as important and equally as fulfilling in due time.
I was never bitter about the situation. Disappointed, to say the least… but never bitter, never jealous. Just thoroughly confused about how something so completely right was just not able to be possible. No, I was never bitter. And for a while, almost 2 years, I was a better man because of it. I could revel in the enlightenment I achieved from knowing her. I was at my best in that year following their marriage. I was the fittest I ever was, I was all-around healthier, too. But things quickly changed after all the ups and downs.
Dysthymia seeped in at some point. I’m now fully engulfed by this disorder and oh, how it touches so many around me. The dysfunction it causes it only strengthens its grip on me.
So this is what I need to work on, now. That and a body which is worse-off now than it was before the surgery. The past 3-4 weeks, I’ve been eating healthier than ever before. I actually am making my own salads using fresh ingredients and preparing them the night before! Dinners are all turkey & cheese, tuna, and/or baked beans. …But I’m still not losing weight.
I’ve not made mention of it, but I can’t even go up a flight of stairs without it totally knocking the wind out of me and making me feel like I’m going to pass out. I have to sit down after standing up some times. And the test is scheduled weeks in advance so I won’t know for awhile if they see anything wrong. My knees, at times, feel like the cartilage in the joint is thinning. The good news is, I’m not coughing up blood since the surgery.
Anyway, these subjects are pretty much all I write about on here anymore. Boring!
I advise you to not check here often, since there won’t be much going on.
Not for awhile, anyway.
I’m done. I’m done.
I’m going to try to be done.
But I need to be done.
…..I don’t want to be done….
But I’m done. I think I’m done.
I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to try.
Almost five and a half years of being a rock. Steady and patient. Devoted and keen. Empowered, enlightened, and grateful; I cannot be a rock any longer. My heart has atrophied.
So much has changed! With her, I mean.
But I have all these words saved with me that I can read over and over again, to remind me of what once was the ultimate kind of love and connection.
Then I wonder, what is love without background; without history and time behind it? True, we had unspeakable chemistry and I believe the forces of nature were putting all their effort into making us find and be together. But there’s something to be said about the time two people spend with each other that gives that relationship substance you cannot otherwise have with someone you just met. It gives real meaning to loving someone. So I have to wonder.
And without any explanation (and PLENTY of attempts at obtaining one), she’s ignored me for almost a year. Is this her way of giving me a hint? I don’t take hints very well. I like pure, unadulterated honesty. I’ve said time and time again to tell me to go away the moment you don’t want me in your life anymore. That doesn’t happen, so I go on believing I am still wanted. But going through a major, somewhat risky surgery without a peep? One that was only a 2 hour drive from her home? And then, being here in town with nothing to do and purposefully, with intent, did not contact me? This is big-time rejection, more than I’d expect from even the most casual of acquaintances. Hell, I even got “Get Well Soon” wishes from people I’ve never even spoken to!
It matters no more. The explanation for this silent treatment is what *I* needed to move on. Obviously, it’s not what she feels she needs to give me — and I can’t keep hanging on to that, giving me another excuse to keep this door cracked, letting the hope continue to seep in.
I don’t exactly know how I’m going to do this.
I have some ideas, which my chances of success are questionable, but we’ll see. Either way, I’m done.