Going through some hidden archives of my writing.
Came across a few things that, I have to admit, I’m quite impressed by. Most of it I don’t even remember writing. I’m glad I did, though. Perhaps I’ll share more publicly here as time goes on.
I wrote a number of pieces through the telling of a fictional story, or a fictional story based on real-life events; a mixing of reality, metaphor, and fantasy. This is one of them.
“I wasn’t really in that bad of a mood,” I recalled to myself later in the evening. I remember walking into the hall of tears and cheers and looking at all the paintings on the wall. They were animated, but lifeless and soaking wet. They forgot where they were for a moment and couldn’t remember their way back. It’s just that they’ve been hanging there for so long.
I felt someone tugging at my shirt but there was no one behind me. I think someone’s been trying to hang me on that wall. I’m a little too lucid for that, still. They’ll keep trying harder. I somehow missed the placement of one single eye screw stuck in my shoulder blade. Here I thought I just had a pinched nerve!
This was here yesterday. Not the screw, the whole deal. I put this in my sockdrawer, didn’t I? Shoved it in the back, didn’t I? I thought the sock goblins would come and eat it up like they do with the other things that get pushed back there. How did this get out? Why am I seeing it again? I feel like clicking my heels together and chanting an infamous line.
I was through your veins not long ago. Like everything else, it passes. Soon there could be nothing that remains the same as it is right this second. Soon, there could be nothing at all. But I’ve got a stint up my sleeve, I suppose, because some things will never fade away.
And I’ve been on the verge of tears for reasons I can’t finger. (that’s not a pun)
Is it the holiday season of which I am not really participating in this year? Couldn’t be. Guilt from eating too much? No. I think it’s just feeling powerless over my entire life right now, especially because I had such a firm grasp on it not too long ago.
What’s another term for “missing you” ? I can’t find a good word that describes the feeling of missing someone so very badly it seems to cause exhaustion and fatigue. How would you say that? I’m fatigued by the ____ that I am feeling. By the “missing-you-feeling” that I’m feeling? NO!! There’s gotta be something.
So I had these water-words boiling in me and I don’t know if I soothed it or not. I’m thinking not, but it’s not burning me so much anymore.
I gotta stop now anyway because I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. It’s funny how much I bore myself.
But I’m still here. As usual. As always. And I’m definitely looking forward to a day off tomorrow/today. I need it.
- Don't worry, this'll all be interesting when I'm dead.
ReminderSometimes I need to play this for myself just to remember what it feels like to smile. And it doesn't just make me smile because of the message (though it never fails) but because someone took the time to get her to record it for me.
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