Don’t worry, this’ll all be interesting when I’m dead.

Now I remember!

It was the search for love itself that, in the end, would be the reason I am denied it.

How ironic.

I should write a screenplay. It would be dramatic… and funny in that heart-wrenching, so-sad-you-have-to-laugh kind of way.

Along my path I’ve re-arranged the pebbles, as I walked through hell to find you.

Hidden beneath the apple tree cut up by blades of grass, you catch my eye. And wipe the blood from your self.

You stand like victory. Your body smiles. Your ever crippling aches slide down your legs and drip off your toes.

The clouds part and stare at us, so proud. And I see… you’re looking through me. You’re looking behind me.

Looking closer, further in the distance……….. The muddy path I’ve found you through……….. has left my feet so burnt and soiled. And you can’t let soiled feet in your bed. No matter how they got that way.

Few things of note:

1. Donnie Darko is a fantastic movie which I’ve been denied the opportunity to watch until yesterday. I think I’ll be buying that one.

2. I hate to say it, but I really like the new design of the hidden blog. While we’re on the subject I’d like to point out the irony of the whole thing. It was not my intention to offend my family for creating a blog that shuts them out. Believe me, it’s for the best. In my efforts to protect them, I end up insulting some. Perhaps I’ll transfer that page’s design over to here some day.

3. Britney Spears: Live From Miami….. is the only thing on right now. (She’s such a horrible singer) But I saw that Dead Like Me will be coming back in July. Awwwww yeaahhh….

4. I need a shower.

5. I still have one A Perfect Circle ticket available. THE BIDDING STARTS NOW!

I wrote out my first entry into the dark world that is me. It had a disclaimer on it and all.

Due to my interest in the past about being known and understood, I never kept this site safe from anyone. You all know about it; Immediate and extended family, friends and acquaintances, lovers and loves. It’s time I try to dig deep. I’ve been inspired to do so. Not to become a better writer, like the one I’m inspired by, but rather… to become a better person. It’s not until you’ve gotten to the very root and core of your issues that you can iron out all the wrinkles. I believe this very much. So today marked the first of some stories I can think of that’s made me who I am today.

I was going to leave it at an “ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK” type thing, but then I realized the waves it could stir may be too big. So I took it down and I created a new page for the stories I will tell. I will allow only those who request access to see it. You can email me, IM me, or call me to gain access. Thanks for your cooperation.

Goodbye Veterans Stadium!

Tonight I met with the president of the company who is considering hiring me to do their website. It was a nice meeting and he is surely a nice guy. In a few days I should have a pricing structure for him so he can get an idea of how much it will end up costing him.

We now have a completely renovated shower — ready to be used.

I’ve been inspired to get back into deeper story telling. I don’t know if I can do it here, though. But really, what do I have to lose? …other than what little respect you may have for me. God, can I really do this? I’m not even sure where I’d start. I guess there isn’t a real beginning.

Can I really do this? Here?

I’ve always been pretty good at doing apples.

“This was my gift to you. The gift that completes you.”

I’ve decided I’m going to try to follow American Idol this year for one reason only… to see to it that Jon Peter Lewis wins. Whoever reads this and watches the show, vote for him, ok?

But yknow, I’m confident even if he doesn’t win, he’ll get a big deal regardless and become a bigger, longer-lasting star than whoever wins. (After all, winning is the kiss of death anyway. It just secures your 15 minutes will last no longer.) So maybe you shouldn’t vote after all.

Dear Miss October,

I want you to take a moment to read this so you can understand it. I want you to embrace it and bring it in.

I want you to clear your mind for a moment. Put down the paperwork and/or pen. Put aside the next thing you were going to do.

Picture me.

Look at my face. Scan my body.

Look closer. Deeper. Past my 7 layers, into the muscle. Past the muscle into my bones. Look at the shape of my skull. Can you picture it? Picture it. See it. It’s in there.

I’m only skin and bones, blood and muscle, hair and nails, and a synthetic layer of clothing. My skull looks just like yours. We’re all the same inside. We’re not living for anyone but ourselves. Let’s do that. We have no ties. We have no greater reasons. Tomorrow never knows. You are nothing but what’s embodied in your own protective flesh. Your hands extend to the tips of your fingers. No further. Ever. No matter how hard you try.

But it’s your soul that touches me, still. Every day.

Sometimes I get a little bored at work and hope someone will leave a comment so I can talk to someone on the outside. The comments are becoming less and less frequent. Perhaps that’s my fault for posting such worthless shite.

So again… you can comment on today’s post… or… otherwise…

I leave this space open to you… to say something. Say hi. Share something with me and whoever might be reading. It’s your time. Your space. What do YOU want to say?

It’s been a week since the last update… and what can I say?

Nothing too great, I must admit.

I’m putting the finishing touches on a new website which I will allow you all to see and comment on once it’s launched.

I also was approached to design a graphic for a new company. I’ve submitted it and although it wasn’t quite what they were looking for, I just need to use the feedback I get to change it up a bit. I will soon be getting paperwork on all that will be invovled in doing the entire website so I can give a quote on what I will charge. If all looks good to them, I guess I’ll have that project, too. That will surely allow me some good spending money for one or some of the following items:

* New computer

* New camera

* House renovations

Yes, my dad has a fire lit under his ass to finally get the house renovated. A lot must be done. But the projects include a new shower that will not leak down upon the first floor, getting rid of the squirrels that inhabit the attic, new bathroom (wallpaper, ceiling, etc), new carpeting all around, fresh paint all around, and who knows what else. It’s going to be a long and expensive renovation. The shower will be completed next week. That alone will be a few grand. Luckily we’re getting some help from ol’ Danny-boy in painting the place. If anyone out there is interested in helping with anything while working for cheap, let me know please. We could use all the help we can get.

I’ve only had one guestmap signing. C’mon guys! Lemme know where you’re coming from.

I see my guestbook is back up and running. For anyone who’s tried signing it lately, I apologize for it being down. I have no control over it and it tends to like to go down. (update: fuck it.. it’s down again.)

Can’t complain, though… it is basically free… and nice people run the company.

SO GO AND SIGN THE THING WHILE YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY!!

Or, if you’d prefer a more interesting way to leave your mark, go to the GuestMap and claim your territory.

Ladies and gentlemen… The complete timeline detailing the development of technology from the Big Bang until now. Furthermore, the article shows where technology is heading and what we’ll be doing in 20, 40, and 90 years from now.

(Of course, it’s all speculation. However, these futuristic theories are more than just guesses as technology is making it much easier to see what the future will be like.)

Don’t believe it? Here’s a fun (and addicting) example of where we stand with A.I. today.