There were signs.

Great big signs that flashed neon orange and blinked a hundred times.

You acknowledged them.

(You were always good at reading signs.)

But the road you’re on is safer and there is no denying it’s familiarity.

“Shy away, shy away phantom.

Run away, terrified child.

Won’t you…

Move away, you fucking tornado.

I’m better off without you tearing my world down.”

More APC for your reading (dis)pleasure.

..and once again, the worlds collapsed.

“One day,” he thought, “I will find my home, and she will love me everlasting, and it will be good. And she will be true.”

I’ve been going through a lot recently. Worlds collapsing, building back up just to fall back down again.

But there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Well, one of them, at least.

Starting Monday, I have a new job working at Aetna. No more retail for me!!

Finally, I can get back to going in to an office, taking care of what I need to, and going home. My-oh-my does that sound wonderful. The pay is good, the job is taking calls and inputting data… there’s really only one thing I could complain about. It’s in Blue Bell. A little bit of a hike and so I’m a little worried about getting there on time but I’m more concerned with the travel time back home. Still, it’s better than getting home at 9pm every night. I see good things ahead of me.

I wish I had more to say but this is neither the time nor place. Take care of yourselves and I’ll be updating again soon.

So I’ll leave you with this little reminder:

It’s not until you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.

(Anything you want.)

cry. cry. cry me a river and set sail

telling me the secrets of your world

take. take. take me down your hallways

opening every door as we go by

show me. show me your inhibitions

never question your own misery

tell me words of love

erase them with your tongue

help me stay a little while

i can’t go back to where i’m coming from

drink. drink. drink it all up and die

give me the fevers of your breath

let me swallow it down as i

cry myself to sleep

watch your feet, my love

you’re stepping on my heart

puncure me with a rose bush

sucking my fucking blood

tell me words of love

erase them with your tongue

help me stay a little while

i can’t go back to where i’m coming from

guide yourself and your soul stays pure

i cannot be anything without you

Sometimes, I stop and think before I talk about things on here. Sometimes I say things that no one understands. Sometimes I write in white. Sometimes, in grey. Always… in grey.

“…and I listen for the whisper

of your sweet insanity

while I formulate denials

of your affect on me.

What am I to do with all this silence?”

I’m going to start off every blog with another line or verse from Thirteenth Step until you all can’t take it anymore and have to buy it. Yesss………….. mwa ha haaaaa!

Eeehh… I’m not quite sure what to say at the moment, though. So I’ll just give you some major entertainment by having you click here.

“Disconnect and self-destruct

one bullet at a time.

What’s your hurry?

Everyone will have their day to die.

If you choose to pull the trigger,

should your drama prove sincere —

do it somewhere far away from here.”

I’m browsing through this person’s blog and finding that so many thoughts and opinions parallel mine to a frightening degree. When I read through my old archives and don’t recall those events, I read them like I’m reading a stranger’s memories only with a great ability to relate to every word being said.

When I read this person’s blog, I have that same relationship with the words. Weird. I suppose there’s something to be said for astrology. (I, too, am a capricorn.)

I sat down at this computer today at about 9:30am. I began to organize all the files throughout all 3 of my hard drives. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for quite a LONG time, now. That took me about 5 or 6 hours. Then I began to go through all of The Carpeted Wall — because I can, now — and updated the whole thing. I didn’t change the look at all, but I got a lot of the content up to date. So, I did a lot of good, productive Coz-things today. Here’s my pitch:

For those interested: The Carpeted Wall, my portfolio site, has finally FINALLY been updated. Check it out and hire me for something! The guestbook, although now paid for and ready to accept signatures…. is apparently out-of-order as of this moment. (figures…)

Here’s something to distract you: