Don’t worry, this’ll all be interesting when I’m dead.

KURT VILE MP3s can be found HERE!!!

GO! NOW!!

(ok so they’re not MP3s they are .wma……… but I think you should be able to play them, right?)

I would just like to say that I adore Kelly Clarkson and she has been my number one pick throughout the show, which I really haven’t been watching much… but I’ve seen enough.

Where to begin…

I’ve been sick since last Thursday. I still don’t have the energy to do the things I need to do. But I have been able to see John a couple times.

It’s such a surreal sight to see. Like a full-grown fetus, skin as white as the sheets he is confined to. Hairless as the day he was born. He’s on oxygen. Hospice has been coming and keeping him as comfortable as possible. He’s in and out of consciousness and relays his quick daydreams to us — sometimes not realizing it was a daydream. He’s still got his sense of humor — he just doesn’t have the energy to talk much. His wheezing fills the dark room when he’s not speaking.

I don’t expect anymore than 2 weeks for him.

And then the dam will break.

For those who care, my store is doing quite well. We’re in a nationwide challenge for selling the most damage protection plans — and we’re far above anyone else in our district, which, by the way is currently around #5 in the company’s 90+ districts. I’m averaging about 15% up from last years numbers right now.

Not too bad. But it’s nowhere near where we could be.

I have Kurt’s CD. Finally. I sat in on a lot of the recording of it, nearly 2 years ago. Played on a few tracks, but nothing you can really hear. One song that was the most prominent was cut from the album, however, I have the recording of it on my CD. I plan on posting these songs on the website for people to download. Because I think it needs to be heard. Not that it’s the greatest recording — in fact, far from it… but the songs are something different. Something good. And they deserves recognition.

Here’s an interesting article trying to prove that second-hand smoke is really not all it’s cracked up to be.

I have been very sick the past few days with a cold. It’s prevented me from seeing John. Tomorrow, I plan on going over there whether I’m feeling better or not. He’d prefer me to stay away, but I don’t know if I can afford to wait another day.

I just got off the phone with John. He decided to call me tonight.

He’s very close.

He’s on morphine, now, to help his respiratory problems. The tumors are engulphing his lungs and they fill up with fluid.

The pain, he says, is also starting to really kick in. So the morphine is helping to ease that.

He can barely talk. He’s delusional…

His wheezing is more prominent than his actual voice. It’s difficult to talk to him like this. For me, that is.

I keep envisioning Earl Partridge lying in bed, not knowing if each breath will be his last.

What does one think when they see themselves at 21 years old…. rapidly dying?

What types of things run through your mind? What emotions can you feel? What can you *not* feel at a time like that?

It boggles me. Just as much as it does to think about the fact that this is really happening… it’s boggling.

There are so many idiots in the world. So many who deserve this. He’s the last person I know who should get this.

Sometimes I think the wiser you are, the greater chance you have of being wiped out early. It’s like God’s way of saying “You know too much, kid. Go away before you scare the rest of them.”

When I was little I had these little stuffed animals. Two, imparticularly, are sticking out in my head now. One was a blue rabbit not unlike the body of Bugs Bunny. Y’know… tall, skinny, gangly-like. The other was exactly the same only pink. They stood about 10″ tall.

I used to sit at the bottom of the carpeted staircase and toss the rabbits up in the air, against the wall which was just beyond the landing, and observe as they fell back on to the stairwell, bouncing, bending, and flailing their way down back to me. I would cringe at the ones that would hurt, had they been human…. and not stuffed animals. Yet, the most painful looking ones would be the sole reason I continued to play this twisted game day after day. That’s what I wanted to see!

Yowsa! Look at that one! Yeeesh….. that’s gotta hurt.

Why am I sharing this with you? Some finnish people came up with this fantastic simulation/game. You have this dummy standing at the edge of a staircase. You pick an area of the body you want to thrust. You pick what direction you want it to be thrust in. You choose the force in which that part will be thrusted.

And watch.

Your dummy tumbles down the stairs, injuring his hot-spots along the way (head, neck, upper arms, hands, chest, thighs, shins, feet).

The more your dummy injures these hot-spots, the more points you rack up during your fall.

I think this is just so damn cool and JUST AS ADDICTING as it was 12 years ago when I would sit for hours on end at the bottom of the staircase.

Am I weird?

Enjoy!

http://taat.fi/taat/porrasturvat/

…and then there was TOOL.

Another fantastic performance. There is just something about being in the presence of the band that makes it 10 times more powerful and emotional. I lose myself in the music, I find it taking control of my body and mind. It is a part of me. It temporarily completes me.

I know some people are just not worth the time. But they have to be someone before you can accept that.

Seeing Pepper was very nice. We didn’t have too much to say to each other but the fact is it was good to finally meet in person.

The show was actually a bunch of artists who came together for a RAINN benefit. (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network)

No one there was really impressive, however, I did get an oppertunity to see Emm Gryner there, who, if you’re a fan of Sarah Slean (as I am) you know who Emm is. 99.9% of Slean fans love Emm. I don’t. But I respect her and her talents.

And that’s really it. Tomorrow is the TOOL concert and I am really looking forward to it. Also, for those interested…. it seems as though Sarah Slean (speak of the devil) will be playing at The Point again on 9/27 with Stephen Kellogg, who is also a great act to see.

See ya!

Holy Schmokes!

Pepper McGowan is playing at La Tazza tonight! I hate that city……… but I must go.

Vamous!

Seriously, let me ask the question again….

Do I need a new design or are you happy with the current one for the time being?