I wish I had known about this meteor shower thing. I heard nothing of it until this morning. I’m so out of the loop!

But really, it depresses me knowing I missed it. It would have depressed me seeing it, too. I can relate.

It makes me mad that I’m so disconnected from everything. I don’t like to miss anything. Sleeping has always frustrated me because I just might miss something. Anything.

Even if I did know about this event, I was so tired and had such a headache, that I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Maybe a minute or two out the window but that’s all I’d be able to take.

But anyway, back to being mad… and whining.

All I do is work and come home to a computer. Before, it was an empty house and a computer. Now it’s just the computer. So where did my life go? Where’s my *click*? When is the next meteor shower? Oh, 40 years… well, that’s not such a big loss, then.

I don’t watch TV, I don’t go out, I don’t talk on the phone, I just type and I draw…. digitally.

last time I whined about this I was informed that I should take a class. Meet people there.

A class. With shift work? Can’t happen. And with what money anyway? I barely am making enough to pay all my bills and live semi-comfortably…. and whatever extra I ever have falls into my fathers drinking hand.

It just bugs me to death. These are my prime years. I should be out partying, having fun, dating around, smiling, laughing, joking, crying, fighting — anything good or bad. But there’s neither. My personal life is literally based on my fingertips and that’s not the personal life I want to have. If so many people like me, if so many think I have looks comperable to Russell Crowe, well that’s wonderful!! …but what do I have to show for it?

Not a damned thing. My mother says I’m too picky. Well, yeah, there are only a handful of people that I feel inclined to hang out with, but where are they? Where are the other people that might have in their group someone more like me? Surely not sticking their hand out at me.

Ah, yes. There’s your bait. Take that line and tell me “You gotta go reach out to *THEM*, too, Coz.”

Yes, I know. I know this. It gets to be a bit discouraging though, when almost every time you try, you are turned down for one reason or another.

I read things like Lane’s entry and know that I don’t just have to meet people in class or at work…. people meet by chance all the time. People randomly meet other people all the time. I hear about it. I know it happens. So where? Where are these random meetings taking place? Everywhere but where I stand, or what? I know this sounds like I think I’m the only one in the world and I know I’m not… but dammit, how would you feel?

Yes I was previously joking about me and suicide season.

I’m not sayin’ I would do it….

“buddaye und’ah’staaind.” (Chris Rock)