Archive for October, 2001
Chalk it up!
I got my #3 today!
“Did anyone ever tell you that you look like… Russell Crowe?”
Yeah, baby.. yeeh-heheaahh!! Of course, she was an older woman, so it was for nothing more than to tell me that.
But it made my day… again.
Wow! — That stands for What-O-Weekend!
I invite a girl to come keep me company over here on Friday. Her name’s Michele. I took her to Tom’s birthday/halloween party. Michele turns out to be very outgoing and a wacky girl in general. So much so, it’s intimidating and I barely talk the entire time. I’ve chatted with her for a number of months and she lives up above Trenton.
So we were at the party for a couple hours and then went and rented a few movies, came back here and watched them. Stayed up until 7am watching them and then she went home. Simple as that. Nothing happened. It was just nice.
She invited me to her sister’s halloween party on Saturday night. We’d stay over there and help her sister the next day…. help her with *what*, I didn’t know.
So that afternoon I went and made my way to her town (About an hour and a half away). From there, we leave to her sister’s new apartment………. IN BROOKLYN.
I was so freaked out. I mean, I’ve even been in the state, let alone the city! And I don’t have the greatest impression of Brooklyn either, but I felt this is something I really should do.
We got lost.
At least an hour and a half of going back and forth in the Brooklyn area. We had to pee so bad we kept trying to get off the highway to find a place to go. We ended up on another highway and finally into an area where we saw a few gas stations and Burger King. The gas stations wouldn’t let us and the Burger King was closed. By this time we were in pain so badly we couldn’t walk upright. This was the peak of the night because it was our last hope. We couldn’t talk, walk, or think straight because we were both in so much pain. And yet we still had to find our way back to the first highway to get back on the second one. Finally we reached a bridge that we knew we had to go over (there are so many of them!) and the traffic was horrendous. So we decided to pull over on the shoulder of the bridge (there was plenty of shoulder room and the traffic was going so slowly) and we yanked out this big ol’ Gatorade bottle. You can use your imagination from there. But I must add that SHE was not as lucky with the bottle as I was. She only got a slight relief. But we had to continue on.
Over the bridge we went and *gasp*
“Wow…. The Statue of Liberty…. look over there…. *sigh*”
Magnificent.
Ok, we’re only a couple miles from the apartment. We’re finally on the right roads. Ok. Ok. Ok.
We made it. We’re here.
(Hacidic Jews running all over the place like rats in a sewer… very scary, to me, never seeing one before)
Here we are! Hello everyone!
We plop down on the couch and 2am hits… people still showing up. We were not going to get to go to bed as we had hoped. (the plan was to stay overnight)
So her sister says she can drive us to their old apartment a couple blocks away. We could crash there and they’d get us the next morning. Then we’d help them move the rest of the stuff over.
What?! We were going to help them move! But… I have cat’s to feed! I have a grandmother who I said I’d visit today!
So that’s just what we did. We didn’t get to leave there until 7pm or something.
That’s right… trapped in Brooklyn all day. I kept waiting for The Beastie Boys to show up. Seriously! I’m just that weird!
I make it back to my apartment, here, about 10:30pm. So nice to be home. Ah…. feed the kitties.
Now, I must get ready for work. I am thankful for my health (what little I have of it) and thankful I am alive. Thankful I have a job and thankful that I live in such a quiet little town. Bu wait… I was help-up twice in this crap town… and all I got in Brooklyn was a glare from one of those Hacidic Jews.
They really are scary looking.
No, Soundtrack Week has not returned, I just felt this MIDI would be appropriate.
My mother entered the hospital on Wednesday for her 2nd (count ‘em… two) hip replacement. Her first was a year or two ago and I stayed over her apartment and took care of the place and the cats. Then she learned her other hip had to be replaced. Must be fun.
“I am Robo-Mom!”
The point is, tonight I grabbed my tower and beloved optical-mouse, clothes, and whatever else I needed and headed over to the apartment. I realized “SHIT! She doesn’t have a cable running in here for my cable modem.” So I just had to install my old 56k and intall her AOL account onto my hard drive….. and that’s where I am now. On a dial-up…. through AOL. Ugh.
But everything else is the same. Same computer, same AIM and Yahoo! IM names and all connected. Feels comfy, but I’m going to die of impatience when it (my patience) is tested by this “thing.”
I will be here for the next week indefinitly and will probably be here for around another month or two off and on. I’m not sure exactly what will be going on. I miss my office chair. I pulled in the big ol’ cushioned swivel chair to sit on. I’m so low to the ground! 
The cozcam is offline until I’m set up again at mi casa. Until then, you’ll see the dreaded “Offline” picture I have up there.
I suppose that’s all for now.
I feel quite lonely tonight. Quite lonely, indeed.
So, it’s become a forced habit of mine to research a bit and really try to figure out *why* I feel the ways I do, instead of accepting it and waiting for it to pass. It’s a good habit to get into and I recommend it to you all. I feel that once you know why you feel the way you do, you can then grab that and change it.
So I feel lonely tonight and I blame this girl I work with, Suzanne. OK, I don’t blame her… but it is indirectly caused by her.
She learned last night that she was pregnant. She’s 25 years old, wed about a year ago, and is trying to find an apartment with her husband. It’s not the fact that Suzanne is having a baby… it’s the fact that I am not. I know I’m just 21 years old, but I look around and so is everyone else I know (give or take a couple years) and I look deeper, and find that they’re all in relationships. Long-term relationships, married, and/or have children.
This is something I truly want. I feel like I’m being left behind or something. I feel like I’m 15 years old again and believing that I was the only one left in the world who hasn’t kissed a girl yet.
“Fifteen is so late! What’s wrong with me?”
Of course, as we all know, I really made up for lost time once I got started.
So will I be making up for lost time, now? Perhaps by finding someone so perfect for me and enjoying a life that my friends would be jealous of? I don’t know. I can’t tell. I’m too disillusioned by my lack of love, that that’s really all I can focus on.
Who am I kidding? Even if I did finally find that perfect someone, I don’t even have friends to make jealous!
Alright, I’m starting to whine, here…
To defend myself against myself, I must say that this is my journal and these are truly my feelings. They’d be written like this whether anyone was reading them or not.
The point is, I just don’t understand it. Why must I be left in the dark? I try to be so very nice to people. I am caring, thoughtful, charming, and I don’t think I’m all that unattractive, here, either. So where is my social life? Where is my love life?
Online. That’s where it all is. I have people to talk to here. I have people to :::hug::: here, and people to *kiss* here. But I have no one to touch. No one to feel their skin brush up against mine. No hair to smell. No hand to hold. No love to make. No love to share.
You can’t tell me that’s not a wonderful thing to have. Those of you who have it… I’d like you to imagine you do not. I want you to take yourself out of your place of comfort; that secure little place which allows you to not even think about your insecurities. That secure little place that gives you peace of mind without even realizing you have that peace of mind. That place that tells you someone will always be there for you. Supporting you. Loving you. Holding you… take yourself out of that. Feel it.
Feel it for one minute and let it fill you up. Ask yourself then where are you going to go? What are you going to do next? Who are you going to cry to?
These are things that I cloak. They are pushed aside because they are unanswerable questions and thinking about them just brings me down. But sometimes, when I’m not looking… the questions pile up and weigh a ton. They see something on the outside, like Suzanne having a baby… and they show themselves. So for tonight, I will suffer.
Scoreboard:
Sarah = 7
Dan = 5
Chris = 1
Laura = 1
Mommy = 1
Rest of The Coz List = 1
The winner is SARAH! She will be receiving a signed copy of “To whom it may concern…” my first CD.
Congratulations, Sarah…. you really know far too much than you should! 
Oh, by the way… MacGuyver was Day 6 and Quantum Leap was Day 7.
It’s real late. I’m real tired. There’s nothing else to say.
Thanks to all 3 of you who played. I still don’t know why I even bother doing this crap.
Soundtrack Week has closed it’s doors and packed up for the season. It is the end of Soundtrack Week…. and I feel fine.
Since I was drugged up so much last night, here are the results of the week after 6 days:
Scoreboard:
Sarah = 6
Dan = 4
Chris = 1
Laura = 1
Mommy = 1
Rest of The Coz List = 1
The final results of Soundtrack Week will be posted on Tuesday, after Dan takes his guesses at the weekend MIDIs. They are located in the frame right over there ——–>
I just can’t get over this sickness! It’s keeping me up and waking me up once I do fall asleep. Coughing up raw lung.
No other news for now.
At this point, the cough syrup with codine(sp?) has really kicked in and I’m far too tired to write anything.
Day 6 Begins.
Scoreboard:
Sarah = 5
Dan = 4
Chris = 1
Laura = 1
Mommy = 1
Rest of The Coz List = 1
Yesterday’s theme was to Top Gun.
Ok. Dan has pointed out something to me. He doesn’t have a computer anywhere but at work. His Monday through Friday job. So, the next couple days answers will not be posted. The MIDI’s will be left in another spot for Dan to study when he gets back on Monday. On Tuesday, the winner will be announced. May god have mercy on your soul.
In supercalifragilistic news:
Sarah Slean is coming back to The Point! I am thrilled beyond belief! Come with me! All of you! You need to be there! November 29th!
Move it, Move it!
The Carpeted Wall is coming along nicely.
