Everyone wants to be first in my life.
I suppose it's better that no one at all.

I can't focus on anything if everyone wants the attention. And it's surely not a lot of people that DO care, but the ones who DO care are the one's who expect full attention, which is fine, and very reasonable... but when there are 4 people who I am constantly defending myself to, it makes it a bit difficult to focus on anything at all.
I want so bad to just not care. I suppose that's why there are so few things I do care about. I know I can't dedicate myself to something because eveything else needs some dedication, too.
In a perfect world there would be one person I care about. And that person would provide all the love, friendship, trust, and freedom that I need. In a perfect world, I would have no responsibilities and no one would question it. In a perfect world, no one would question me.

This is not a perfect world, nor will it ever be.
So I've learned to accept this imperfect world but it hasn't accepted me. My mind becomes cluttered with #1 people. Who do I please next? Who do I devote myself to this hour?

Is all this just a spoiled-brat whine? I know this will offend certain people and I hope they take a minute to realize this is what my brain is spewing out. This is my vent getting unclogged. This is how I feel -- and sometimes how I feel differs from reality.