In other news... due faccia has now shown themselves.
Goodnight.
shut up, me....
Isn't anything in this world worth anything? Is anything worry-free? Is anything manufactured qith care and assurance, and not all half-assed?! God dammit, I'm getting so pissed thinking about this. John is wanting to drag me out somewhere... or at least out of my house. Denny's is all I like to go to. Especially halloween. I figure that Denny's + halloween = girls dressed up and letting go of their inhabitions whilst they are masked by facepaint and dracula teeth. Heh?! Right! Not that I care -- I have my eyes on San Fransisco, where my heart has been taken to.
BTW -- My transmission... on my brand new car that's still under 1,000 miles, and no more than a month old???? It's messed up. Still drivable. (I think...)
Do I need to explain myself any more? Question my actions, if you will... but wouldn't you like to have your life rehabilitated, too? Well then. Do something about it. .... I am.
So, when this all hit me I began to clean my rooms. (bedroom and computer room) I can see the floors. I have 3 big trash bags full of dirty clothes that need washing. I had 4 bags of trash. I used up half a can of Lysol and another half of Fabreez. I put all the paperwork I have to take care of in a pile. Didn't do anything with it, still. I can't get focused on it. I think about it, and just want to break down. It's like how homework was for me in HS. I just can't do it. Only problem is... with this shit, I have GOT to do it, or I'll be in deeper shit than I am already. I feel panicked just thinking about it, now. Will things come together as they always magically seem to do for me? Probably. Sooner or later... But wait! What the fuck does it matter?! I still have to do a lot myself. I still have to get my life together. It's about time to start that. But how? When will I be able to pick up the pieces without panicking? Will the day come soon? Will the world end before I get around to it? Will my life end before it? It's all or nothing with me. Sure I have semi-clean rooms now, but I wont get that motivation again for awhile. I have to start and not stop until everything is done. And therein lies the problem. It's impossible to get it all done at once.... with no help. I need help. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need someone to lean on. I need someone to lend me their hand and help me up out of the mud. let me know I'm not alone. I know I have it, but it's 3,000 miles away, and I need it here. I need help. Plain and fucking simple: I ..... NEED ...... HELP. There I said it. Now flutter off to where you came before you met me. It's safer that way -- for all of us.
...who was it dear? I love that commercial! Very clever.
So today at work I sold a camera, and a pair of binoculars. Now, on the camera, I also sold a 5 year warrently plan with it, which is the maximum -- which is the top thing you can do as a Ritz associate -- which means that next week's weekly newsletter will contain my name under the page that says everyone that got a 5-year. Yeah, baby -- YEAH! Hey, speaking of which... After work I went to John's. Forced him to go to Denny's where we were for a little while. Ran into Megan Martin, there. Told her I could stay out late and I needed something to do after dropping John off. So... I dropped him off and went over to her place. We watched TV, a few of her friends came over and gossiped, giggled, drank some beers, (I did, too, which is not like me... but I was in the mood for whatever reason) and then they left. We turned on Austin Powers 2. She started falling asleep so I told her I'd let her go to bed. I left. Came home. Here I am.
How about politics? Who here is voting, and if so... who are you voting for? If you're not voting, who WOULD you vote for? Myself? I am not registered, nor do I want to be. Until a candidate comes along that I actually like... I refuse to register. I look at it like this: They keep saying to register and vote because without it, you're voice is not heard. My father votes whatever the 3rd party is in order to convey his voice to say that he wants someone other than a republican or democrat. Well... I choose not to register because that's my way of voicing out that no one running is anyone I want to win. THIS may have an impact in the way of telling the country "there are so few young people registered..." which they already know. But if they continue to not register (like myself) the people may begin to question "why" -- Perhaps then will they realize that the candidates are all puppets, and real people will start entering the race. The real people will enter. The young people will register and vote. Everyone's happy. (Except the puppets, who, by that time are put back on their shelves left to dry. The hole in their ass of which they were being puppeted by is dripping shit, and their faces are sustaining an opened mouth from which was left open by all the dicks they sucked to get where they were) Hmm. This is a nice thought for the day. I'm glad we had this conversation." The bottom of the "Contact" section. Join it, won't you?
Also, there's a new Site Of The Week up in "Links" finally.
I worked 5 hours today. It was another insane day. Everyone around there are snobby whores who're never happy and must make a fuss about everything. For instance: One woman called 10 minutes after 5 (closing time). She asked Kate if her film was ready and if she can pick it up. Kate explained we were closed, and listened to the ladies story of how she was told to pick it up at 5 -- even though Kate had our copy of the reciept in her hand and it said 4:00. Kate explained it was due at 4, and the lady started yelling at her saying she was told it was 5 and she wanted to speak to a manager. There was no manager and no one wanted to "fill-in" so Kate said her only option was to come in and pick it up first thing in the morning. This..... was not what the lady wanted to hear. Well, what the f*ck?! All for now, I guess.
So I drop her off, shake hands, and I'm on my way home. Once I arrive, I find my pager which I left here and see Callie has paged at least 7 times. She's worried about her relationship with Dan. What else is new... *wink* Well, Callie's OK now. We hung out for a few hours, and I just got back from dropping her off. Now I can relax for a bit, then go to bed because I'm beat -- and I have to be at work again at 12. UGH! After work I should be going to this band practice thingie. I *might* be able to sing one song with them, but I'm still coughing like a mo-fo ---- it ain't good, folks. Lemme tell ya! Oh BTW -- RedRival update: "Full Upgrades: Testing still being done as we transfer over everything. We hope to have everything operational in a few more days. " All for now.
Sweet dreams, everyone :-)
::Coz::
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OK.. doesn't look like I'm gonna make the list.
::Coz::
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Happy Halloween, you freaks.
::Coz::
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And here's your Daily MIDI!
Were you expecting anything but this?
::Coz::
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10.30.2000
So, umm... what do you think of this?
::Coz::
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Dammit... I'm not gonna make the Power Bloggers list before 12:00 :-( Well, maybe I am... it's updated in PST.... hmm..... BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!
::Coz::
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Look, I told you there's nothing wrong with your palindrome! Leave me be!
::Coz::
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I wonder how my car is holding up out there. I just know I'm gonna wake up and have an egged-up car with a bad transmission.... ugh.
::Coz::
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So I've been bored enough to go searching through Classmates.com for celebrities I like. ha ha. I found one that I think might be Fiona Apple, though who can be sure. There's no bio or anything, but it is her real name and it's in the area of which she went to school. The damned "contact me" seciton isn't working on the site, so I can't email or anything. Another one I found was a possible Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of TOOL and A Perfect Circle. That is a little harder to swallow, but It's still possible.
I'm on there... do you think you can find me??? Now, I just ran out of people to search for. There's like, no one I care to look up. Sad, really...
::Coz::
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HOOOOO YEEAAAH!!!!!
I JUST MADE 1,000 HITS! GO ME, GO ME, GO ME!
::Coz::
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Looks like I do have a lot to say once I start typing.
I'm listening to The Gray's. I'm sure you haven't heard of them. I'd go into detail but I don't feel like it. All I gotta say is that the band is exstinct, but the one album they put out was amazing. Jon Brion rules. At least he's still around doing his thang.
::Coz::
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The plan for tomorrow: I work at 12, but I have to wake up early so I can get to Saturn and drop off my fucked up car, and hopefully be able to pick up a loaner. Dammit. I wanna sleep! GRR!!
I don't fucking understand it. I've talked to so many people with Saturns who've owned them for years and they all say "I've had this for __ years and I've never had one problem, it's great." FUCK THAT! It's just my luck I get a brand new car and within a month I am dealing with this shit.
::Coz::
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I think either RedRival is finally working on their transferring of systems, or I'm not the only one who knows that RedRival's FTP is still on the 5 user limit... I think I'd go with the latter.
You see... I'm having a little more trouble publishing than usual.
::Coz::
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Ok done.
I don't have much to say, really. But I should continue blogging for no reason except to try to get on the "Power Blogger's" list. No, that would be stupid and childish...
::Coz::
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Oops! Forgot to change the Site Of The Week. I don't know why I bother, really. Do any of you even check it out anymore???
::Coz::
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Are you ready? It's coming! All Hallow's Eve! mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!!
Ah, shit! That means tonight is mischief night. Better go dig up the ol' pistol....
::Coz::
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10.29.2000
*looks*
I see nothing wrong with your palindrome. Are you sure it was a hissing sound and not a bumpy sound?
::Coz::
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Bo'a! Lemme teh'l yoo a li'l bit 'bouts wemmen. Dey ain't nuttin but a bunch o' freaks!
Why do you say that, Grandpa?
Hmm? Why do I say whut, bo'a?
Why do you say that women are a bunch of freaks?
I ain't neva sed nuttin' like dat, son! Go back to yer tee-vee watchin'.
MTV's "Jackass" has got kids from San Fransisco to the Jersey Shore filming their own fuck-ups, and antics. On my way home tonight I noticed a kid riding a bike in an empty bank parking lot and another one sitting on the curb, camcorder in hand -- hoping to be the next person known only as a COMPLETE MORON who's representing Springfield, PA.
Hey bo'a?
Yes, Grandpa?
Lemme teh'l yoo a li'l bit 'bouts wemmen.......
::Coz::
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What the....!?!?! Growing Pains -- The Movie!?!?!
::Coz::
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Microsoft. Hm. Micro-Soft. Micro.........soft. Micro software? Microwaveable Software? Little tiny pieces of software.....
Ever question the most common of words of the English language?
:::More to come:::
::Coz::
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hmmm.. 77,438 files on my hard drive. Is that bad? I have one virus, too. In my autoexec.bat --- is THAT bad???
::Coz::
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Oh, Cawsin Lally! I'm so happy! Let's do da dance uf d'joy!
::Coz::
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Our lives our changing so rapidly. I'm sure you're all aware of this by now. Have you ever thought about it, though? Have you ever thought back to what you were doing just 5 years ago?
So let me ask you, fair reader...
You are here. Now. Where will you be in 5 years? What do you expect it to be? What do you hope it to be? And lastly... What will be in your life 5 years from now... at least? In other words: What things must be different (in your opinion) in 5 years. Just 5 years. Can you see it? Can you feel it? It's your life... find the handle and grab hold.
::Coz::
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10.28.2000
To tell you the truth, I really don't have much more to say after my last blog. So pay attention to it, and soak it all up. Here's a new MIDI to help you do so.
::Coz::
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10.27.2000
This is me. This is me straightening out my life. This is me standing up for myself. This is me scraping the bullshit off my plate. If it pains you in some way, then you shouldn't have fed me the shit in the first place. This is not directed to one person individually. This is directed to you all.
::Coz::
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HEY!
::Coz::
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LISTEN TO ME, DAMMIT!
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!
::Coz::
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I don't know what hit me today, but I'm pretty damned depressed. I realized today that I had 6 months to get things straightened out in my life, or even simple things like clean my room. Did I do a damned thing? NO! I spent 6 months of free time collecting dust. Waiting for the end of the world. It didn't come, and now I'm stuck with a dirty environment, a car I can't afford, a job that is the reason I can't afford it, bills piled up and getting yellow with age, The Selective Service coming after me threatening me with imprisonment, when all I have to do is say "I'm sorry, I'm not eligible.". I owe my father, I owe GMAC, I owe Visa, I owe Discover, I owe the hospital.... and all I have to do is send my car insurance the hospital bills and they'll take care of it. HAVE I??? NO!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me?! God dammit! I feel too behind to catch up with things and contemplating how much it's really worth it. I wish someone would kill me. For that split second before I died, I'd be happy knowing I don't have to worry about anything. I know it's my own damned fault, and I'm taking the beating... but I just want to get out of here -- this house -- this lifestyle.
::Coz::
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10.26.2000
"First Name?"
Bob
"Last?"
.....Weadababeetsabouy
"Collect call from Bob Weadababeetsabouy?"
Sorry, wrong number!
"Bob. They had the baby. It's a boy."
::Coz::
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Hey there funkalicious peeps! I'm in a damn good mood. Wanna know why? Cuz I get a day off tomorrow!
Thanks to her motivation, I think I should be a bit more relaxed with my sexuality. What an admirable woman. Vikki rox. I want to have sex with her. ---- lol, okay maybe I shouldn't be quite so open *wink* j/k ---- And I still love Niniane.
::Coz::
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10.25.2000
I haven't blogged today. Hmm. Well, I don't have anything to say. I'll just put up some unrelated MIDI. Ta-Da! byebye
::Coz::
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10.24.2000
Well, time for me to hit the hay.
I hope you all have a great day.
There's just one thing I'd like to say
before I go to where I lay.
"The most energetic way
for you to be gay
is to eat canadian bacon. It's good for you, eh!"
::Coz::
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This is from an email I wrote to my egroups discussion mailing list. You can join it by going to the bottom of the "Contact" section. Thank you.
"I would like more of a discussion to be held on here... I don't know what, though.
::Coz::
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But... I guess I should blog this person. I was very intrigued by her writings.
::Coz::
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No. I have nothing to say about today.
::Coz::
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10.23.2000
I must be insane. I applied online for a job as an assistant webmaster at Google.com of which I have no experience for except what you're looking at. Man, I would love to work there. It's in SF, which is good because then I can be with Niniane. Cross your fingers, but don't hold your breath. :-)
::Coz::
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10.22.2000
Well, I just got back from the practice/try-out. It went fine. No one seemed really enthusiastic, and I'm not sure why ----- I sung along with a cover they do of a Clutch song. Then kinda added old lyrics to one of their songs, and then they played other stuff that I didn't know of theirs and I just sang along with old writings of mine.
I didnt get any one laughing at me or criticising at all. But I also didnt get any wide grins and clapping from the three band members. just kinda like a nodding of heads like. "..hm.. cool..."
For some reason I was never thinking of it as a "try-out" or an "interview" even though it was, and I sorta knew that. but they said they'd let me know. So I told them i'd be willing to come again. So.. I guess we'll see.
But if I do "make the band" (ugh, I hate that term. Especially when dealing with myself. I always wanted a band of my own, not join one.) -- I'm going to have to change their name.
What is it, you ask?
skuz
yeah.....so I told the bassist, and I tried saying it nicely that it just doesnt present a good image
and not at all close to the sound of the band. I said if I heard that "skuz" was playing, I'd think of some hardcore acid rock band and I'd immediatly turn my back.
And they're just not like that -- theyre kinda like..... I dont know -- the band "Live"'s heavier stuff; Kinda simple chord progressions, catchy, and energetic, too.
So, there's one good example. I'll spare you any others.
::Coz::
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I am....
without blood.
without flesh.
without hair.
without odor.
without hands.
without air.
...without life.
You can not see me.
You can not know me.
I am not here.
I am non-exsistant.
::Coz::
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Today:
I woke up at 6:40, left at 7:15. Picked up Kathy (a local Ritz associate that I hadn't met previous to today) and waited for Matt (a co-worker of mine) to arrive. He never did, so we left for the vendor (vender?) training. Kathy and I hit it off quite well from the get-go, I must say. Little flirting going on, I have to admit, but she's got a boyfriend and I've got my Niniane, and we both silently acknowledged that. No big deal, but it was nice to be somewhat "friendly" with a girl... it's been awhile.
We arrived there at 9am. Once there, we kinda split up. I knew no one except for my store manager and another associate whom I work with, but rarely talked to. So, I spent the day in a group of about 10 people (all semi-new to the company) as we went from one room to another with different rep's in each room, learning their products in 15 min or 30 minute intervals. I happened to be one of the "lucky ones" being in a group with 2 of the cutest girls in the whole place. One of them looked like Niniane from the side, but from the front she was only about 70% what Niniane is. Missing, Niniane so much these days, I just had to talk to this girl. She was nice, I suppose but we definitely didn't click. (Not that I was hoping for a "click"!!) But it was a bit weird. The other "cute" one was quite anti-social and I didn't even bother with her, as I don't with most people. We finally ended our training at 5pm. I met up with Kathy and we began our long journey home. Long, because I-95 was totally backed up for miles and took an extra hour to get home. The anticipation of finally getting home was driving us a bit loopy so we kinda acted on it and she began taunting other drivers on the road with her witch finger-puppet, and I began doing all those classic impressions I do and it was just a good time. Still, a little flirting but at the same time I was pulling out my pictures of Niniane to show her. Once again, a mutual silent understanding. 'Course I am bad at judging flirting, so she could have been just friendly and I'm talking out my ass.
::Coz::
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10.20.2000
...and a very appropriate daily MIDI (early) change before I go to bed.
::Coz::
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